On Endings

I’m learning that endings can bring up a lot.

Whether they’re chosen or feel like they’re out of your control, because of some sort of logistic.

Whether we’re using that logistic to avoid other layers.

Endings can bring up big feelings.

Feelings we didn’t get to meet in the past.

That we didn’t have support or capacity to be with.

This can be really tangled and there can be other layers in it.

Endings can elicit our feelings around belonging.

They can elicit our feelings around abandonment and rejection.

Being included and valued.

Endings can elicit strategies in which we try to avoid feeling the pain of loss.

Like fixing, denial, numbing, distracting, joking.

All the ways in which we try not to feel the tender ache of loss.

And, I’m learning that when we slow down with endings it leaves room for grief to surface.

It leaves room for old grief to surface too.

It leaves room for younger parts of us to express.

I’m learning especially when we slow down with support from others, where we feel safe enough and we also have the courage to voice and name what is stirring within us, that we can mobilize some of that suppressed material.

That we don’t have to fix the grief, or fix the experience in this liminal space.

When we slow down when an ending is occurring and something unknown and new is coming, we get to attend to what is.

We get to remain present.

I’m learning that it can hurt so much while also feeling hopeful.

That the ache can be so tender, while also feeling expansive and empowering.

I’m learning that slowness is medicine for the ache and the hope.

Here’s to turning towards endings and letting them break you open so that you may meet yourself with more grace, love, and patience.