Ramblings on Earning Wisdom & the Gradual Path

I think a lot about this culture of quick results, self-appointed status and premature wisdom. I wonder about the wounds and their defence strategies that drive it. My soul desires the gradual path alongside mentors and elders. I wonder if social media has enhanced the shadows that contribute to positioning oneself as an authority in any one area. I think of my own process with that.

The naivety and the seeking to be seen and valued. There’s a message that tells many who wonder, “Who am I to do this?” It says, “Who are you not to do this?” Yet there’s no nuance implored here. Sometimes those concerns and those fears are valid. Sometimes it’s a sign that there’s a greater base of support required. That it’s not time yet. But we’re taught fear is simply something to conquer.

We’re not taught that there are multiple types of fear and sometimes fear is a stop sign. Sometimes the growth is pausing at the stop sign and taking your time to discern what’s next and true. Oftentimes there’s growth in slowing down and not acting urgently. Because when we build something on a shaky sense of self, it won’t be good for you or others. We will use it to fill that void. Integrity will be lost.

We’ll end up performing an identity, rather than sharing authentic parts of ourselves because we haven’t yet grown the capacity to be with ourselves. So how can we even fathom, to be with others? And of course it’s not about arriving at a destination first, but it does require being somewhere grounded and real. Maybe it’s some grey shade between humility and confidence. I don’t know and that’s okay.

You see, I’ve learned that when I think I do know. When I have more answers than questions, then I’m probably missing something. We can end up seeking safety in others certainty of what they say they’re offering and what it will provide. That’s not true safety though. It actually allows us to be manipulated and taken advantage of much easier. When we learn to anchor into our sense of self, we develop an internal safety.

We won’t need to merge with others certainty to feel safe, because we’ve acquired it internally. And we know how to cultivate it with others. It’s fascinating to me the layers that can exist here, and the urgency to excavate them. The urgency to know and fix and find the answers, which often pull us away from ourselves rather than helping us meet ourselves more deeply. It brings me to some words by Rainer Maria Rilke.

“I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now, and perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.“

~Rainer Maria Rilke