I feel my soul stir, as I breathe in the early Autumn morning air.

There’s a deep gratitude in sensing its come back home.

Or perhaps, what blocked my connection, has left.

There’s still a quietness to it.

"Something deep in the human soul awakens as things fall apart. Something in the soul knows that everything in this world can become lost. And something in the soul knows how to survive periods of....." ~Michael Meade

If you’ve found your way into personal development at some point in your life, you may have noticed that the focus is on growth. After awhile it might seem like it’s supposed to be a linear steady climb to heal your wounds and overcome your challenges. The beginning of my journey was like this.

When we try to manage behaviours based on external notions of what’s right and wrong, we miss the opportunity to understand our own inner environment that contributes to the behaviour and learn to tend to that.

If we learn that our emotional pain, like grief, is a burden, then we’ll learn to turn away from it. We’ll also be more prone to turning towards ideologies that reject the reality of our wholeness, which includes our grief.

Performative self-love is surface level and missing the inner relationship required to truly start to feel differently about yourself.

I think a lot about this culture of quick results, self-appointed status and premature wisdom. I wonder about the wounds and their defence strategies that drive it. My soul desires the gradual path alongside mentors and elders.

I’m learning that endings can bring up a lot.

Whether they’re chosen of feel like they’re out of your control because of some sort of logistic.

Whether we’re using that logistic to avoid other layers.

Ending can bring up big feelings.

When I was merged with toxic wellness culture I fed into the lie that I needed to be fixed. This led to me spending 10’s of thousands of dollars on programs, coaches, and healers because I believed they had the answers.

The in-between space.

No longer what was, but not yet what’s to be.

A place full of unknowns.

Full of questions and uncertainty.

We can merge with wellness culture and take on the “right” language and ways of being, but still lack in our sense of self.

Merging is not healing.

I did this in the beginning. I merged with what was being taught.

I’m learning to let transitions take as long as they need.

Rather than rushing through to avoid the discomfort of not knowing, I’m learning to let it be.

Rather than jumping into creation, I’m learning to linger in the questions without needing immediate answers.

Breathwork is often touted as a healing modality, but it might depend on your own physiology and where you are in your own journey, as to how helpful it actually is.

I talk a lot about parts work on social media because it’s been one of my favourite ways to work with client’s, as well as one of the most helpful frameworks in my own journey.

Loneliness

A well of nothingness.

A hollow ache, pleading to be filled.

I’ve felt alone in a room full of people,

even those close to me, just as I’ve felt lonely be myself.

My soul sings a song.

I can hear it in the marrow of my bones.

It’s a melancholy of remembrance.

When I pause to listen, I feel it inside of me.

The wanting of something that was.

A gentle yearning to unfurl all of my protective mechanisms.

To access her.

And what if this isn’t here to stay.

But to guide me through.

That old part of me is afraid.

Afraid that it will pull me down with it’s arctic grip on my wrists.

Binding me.

I feel that grip tighten as my chest heaves.

This is for the quiet ones

The highly sensitive ones.

The introverts. The empaths.

The shy ones.

In a world full of the extremes of black and white.

The grey is where your magic alchemizes.

The term Spiritual Bypassing was coined by the Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist, John Weldwood in the early 1980’s. As defined by John, it’s the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds and unfinished developmental tasks.

A couple of months ago I took a Somatic Stress Release Certification and have been sharing concepts in my social media posts that I have deepened my understanding with. It’s led to me going down a rabbit hole with learning more about Somatic Experiencing. What led me to take the training was an interest in trauma after working with a relationship coach and experiencing the value of this awareness for my own healing.